


Broke in the Mind

by Dat_Crankler_Doe



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Boyfriends, Gay, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-05-03 08:52:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14565438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dat_Crankler_Doe/pseuds/Dat_Crankler_Doe
Summary: Castiel has known Dean for longer than he'd like to admit. Soon, Dean begins to have dreams of these meets, and Cas has to fess up.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> So, I hope you enjoy. Updates will be pretty spastic for a bit.

_"Who are you?"_

 

 

Castiel was almost suprised, but looked at the small boy. The boy had bright green eyes and light brown hair. In his eyes Castiel could see curiosity, and wonder. He also noticed how the boy was so focused on his wings. Cas realized this boy could see Cas's wings without Cas showing him them. This was a gift all children were born with and grew out of. Though, usually by the first month of birth they lose this gift. This child, though, seemed to have somehow grasped onto it.

Castiel was currently using a vessel by the name of Cameron, but he didn't got by that name. Cas squatted to the child's height and smiled softly, "My name is Castiel. I am an Angel of the Lord. I'm here to make sure you and your brother stay out of trouble."

The small boy smiled, "Cool... Hey! Can I touch your wings? Please? I'll be gentle!"

Cas smiled softly and spoke to the boy in a hushed voice in order to not awaken his parents or worse his brother.

"No, I'm sorry. Maybe when you're older. Though, for now, you should be asleep." Cas spoke to the boy.

The boy was about to argue before Cas ran to fingers over his forehead. Castiel carried the small boy to his room and smiled.

_"Goodnight, Dean."_

 

_•••_

 

Dean's eyes blinked open slowly. He just laid there for a moment and stared at the ceiling fan. He was trying to process what he'd just seen. He couldn't remember meeting Cas anytime other than when he was pulled from hell. Though, he couldn't tell if what he was seeing was just a dream or not.


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the late update! I've been super busy, but I'm glad to be able to post something.

_Are you okay, Sammy?"_

 

 

It was years after their mother's death. John had decided that day he would teach Sam how to shoot a gun. Though, somehow Sam ended up with a large cut on his hand. Before they got any farther with their "lesson" Bobby pulled aside John.

While they had a "conversation" Dean took the time to help Sammy. He grabbed the first aid kit from the trunk and ran to his brother.

"I'm okay, Dean."

Dean sighed and smiled, "I know, Sammy."

There was a silence in the room, Sam was the only noise. It was just light sniffling and breathing. Sam's eyes watered and Dean rubbed his arm.

"You're the toughest guy I know, Sam. You'll live through it."

Sam looked back at Dean with wide and proud eyes, "Really?"

Dean nodded at his little brother, "Really, really, Sam. Now why don't you go get your plane and we can relax for the rest of the day?"

Sam nodded quickly and looked towards the hallway. Dean pat the bandage and Sam sprinted towards his temporary room.

"You sincerely care about your brother in even ways I cannot comprehend."

Dean clutched his pocket knife and spun around to meet the voice. Though, he was stunned when he saw the person.

He had a black overcoat and top hat. Though, the real kicker was the jet black wings that sprouted from his back. They were blurry for a moment, but only a moment. In front of Dean was a man he'd only ever thought of as a Dream. Even then, it had been years since he'd even had a dream that mentioned this man.

"Hello, Dean."

Dean didn't hesitate to stare at the man and observe him, though he couldn't take his eyes of the man's wings.

"Who are you, really?"

The man hesitated and shook his head, "I've never lied to you about whom I am. I am Castiel, and am still an Angel of the Lord."

"Angels don't exist, Castiel, so what are you?" Dean responded.

Castiel shook his head, "Who told you that? John?"

Dean blinked, "What should that do with anything?"

Castiel sighed, "Dean, there are many things John has never seen and will never see. Unfortunately the same for you. Your father doesn't know everything; he just thinks he does."

Dean shook his head, "Dad never said anything. I know they don't exist."

Castiel hesitated, "How?"

"Because they weren't there when we needed them most."

Cas frowned and nodded, "I understand your lack of faith. Though, I know you can still see my wings, Dean. If that is not proof enough, I am allowed to give other acts in order to prove I am an angel."

Dean shook his head, "If you wanted to prove it, you would've saved our mom."

"Dean!"

Dean spun around and looked at Sam who had ran into the room with a few figures in his hand, "Will you play with me?"

Dean looked back to see the 'angel' had disappeared once again.

 

•••

 

Dean sat up and clutched his hair. This was the second time he had a crazy dream that involved Cas. He was beginning to be unsure of whether or not what he was dreaming was real. If maybe he just couldn't remember these things.

It really bothered him. He debated asking Cas about it, but he doubted Cas would keep anything from him. Especially anything that big.


	3. Three

**D** ean was having a long day. It hadn't even started out that bad either. Sam had decided to try and make something Dean could stand in the morning, and he could eat annoyingly healthy. It ended up being blueberry waffles. While, Sam had two, Dean filled his plate until he could no longer see it. With all the syrup and butter, it looked like heaven to Dean.

Meanwhile Jack and Castiel sat at the table quietly. Jack was sipping on juice every now and then, but wasn't too interested in it. Cas as usual was just sitting in an uncomfortable silence.

Dean didn't mind. At this point, it was normal. He didn't eat in silence though. He of course talked to them. Dean didn't mean to, but he'd managed to ignore Castiel almost completely. He wasn't sure if it was just him forgetting of him feeling a little uncomfortable. Dean couldn't tell, but it made him a little guilty.

He decided to try to at least say something, "Anything going on in heaven, Cas?"

Cas blinked and shook his head, "It's almost completely silent, as usual."

Dean didn't mean to hesitate, but he couldn't figure out what to talk about. He wasn't sure how to continue that conversation, so the breakfast turned into an uncomfortable silence.

Thankfully, Jack interrupted, "So, I was looking in the library today and found an amazing book..."

Dean wasn't focused on what Jack was saying, but looked at Cas. Thankfully, Cas had become distracted with Jack. Dean stared at Cas as he smiled and talked to Jack. Soon Cas stared back at him.

"Have you read that book, Dean? It was in your room for a short time. I remember it to be."

Dean blinked and realized he'd completely missed what the book was even called. He'd been to busy looking at Cas.

"I... Yeah, it was really good." He decided to just pretend.

Cas smiled, "It truly was. I didn't see you to be interested in love stories, but it's very good. I can see why you made an acception."

Dean faltered as he realized what book they'd talked about. It was one he had found in his drawer in his room. It sat on his shelf for about a month before he ran it over to the library, but he had no idea what it was about.

 Dean realized that now he had to read it in order to understand what Cas would be talking about to him for the next few days.

Dean sighed and picked up his empty plate from the table, "I'm gonna head to my room. Sam, tell me if anything comes up."

As Dean opened his bedroom door, his vision clouded and he clutched his head in pain. He blinked hard and tried to look around, though all he saw was black.

 

_"Dean, Sam will be okay."_

 

_Dean turned his head to look at Cas, "Oh I know. If he isn't, I'll kill him."_

 

_Teenage Dean sat in the driver's seat of the Impala. He was finally eighteen and John wanted him to drive baby. He had graciously accepted the offer. Dean loved the car as much as his father. Though, he worried for his brother who would be alone in the hotel while John taught him to drive._

_He listened to his father as much as he could, but mostly listened to Cas, who was seated invisible in the back seat speaking to him through his mind._

_"Well, Sam is now currently talking to Sully. They're having a conversation about how you and he jumped from the roof a few summers ago."_

_Dean smiled and focused on the road, and John looked at him, but spoke no words. He thought he knew why Dean was so happy. He thought Dean was finally feeling the drive, but Dean just had his mind on the angel in the back seat and his brother. He was understanding how his life was just as good as it could be as a hunter. He was happy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo. I finally finished a chapter. Thanks for reading! Also, you might be able to expect a new book that will also be Destiel.


	4. Four

Dean found himself leaned against his bedroom door. He was dizzy and breathing heavily. He placed a hand on his head. He didn't remember learning to drive like that. He remembered listening to his dad very closely and following every instruction to the T. He didn't remember any angel, and especially not Cas speaking to him in the back seat. Dean managed to stand and he felt and hand grab his shoulder.

"Dean, you okay?"

Dean was slightly startled but looked to Sam, who stood over him protectively, "What...?"

Sam looked a little upset, "You walked away and I heard a loud bang. I think you hit your head on the door."

Dean blinked quickly and rubbed his head, "Yeah... Yeah, I think I did... I'm gonna go lie down, Sammy."

Sam nodded, "Okay... Just... You scared me."

Dean nodded and worked his way to his bed. The book would have to wait.

 

 

Dean woke with a start and took a deep breath, one he almost lost. He didn't dream of his memories with Cas to alter them. He actually dreamed of an entire new memory with Cas. It wasn't like he remembered it, so he could only assume it was another insert like the ones he'd been getting for days. 

It was strange, because he didn't remember the place, or the time. He didn't even remember the situation.

 

_Dean sighed and leaned his head against Cas's shoulder. Cas smiled fondly at him. Dean looked towards the stars in the sky. He felt... content. He was happy. For once in his life he felt such a content that he'd never felt before. While, Sam was in college, he still had Cas there for him. Cas ran a hand through Dean's hair and sighed._

_"You're bad for me, Dean."_

_Cas spoke in a hesitant voice and Dean chuckled, "I'm bad for everybody, Cas..."_

_Cas shook his head, "Angels shouldn't feel emotions like this. Angels don't fall."_

_Dean dug his head into Cas's shoulder, "Angels are all about that aren't they? Angels are about happiness and love and protection... It'd be stupid for you not to be able to feel them too..."_

_Castiel sighed, "You're not wrong, Dean... God is a strange man with strange intentions."_

 

Dean had been woken up after hearing that much and he felt conflicted. He was never that close to Cas. While, yes, the two were close friends, they'd never been... _that_ close. The dream made it seem as if they were dating. Dean wasn't upset with the idea, it just confused him as to why he kept seeing Cas in these kinds of visions. He couldn't actually remember these things happening. He could only remember them as dreams. It was getting to the point he wanted to ask Cas about it, but felt like he didn't need to. 

Dean walked to the library and skimmed through the books until he found the one Cas and Jack had been talking about. He realized how cliche it was, though, the cover struck him cold.

_Angel's Curse_

He saw an angel on the front cover talking to a woman, his wings a crispy white (faded yellow after time) and her long hair covering her face.

Dean turned it around and read what it was about, and felt a sense of familiarity.

_Shannon Carol is a normal girl. Her life was just like anyone else's. She grew up in a small town in Georgia and she now worked a slow office job in her small town. Though, she starts to have visions of a man she only knew by her work. He always had beautiful white wings on his back and a halo above his head. She wondered why he continued to appear in her dreams. Maybe it would lead to a close relationship, or something far more sinister._

Dean blinked and felt a confusion hit him. He felt something very similar at the moment. He wondered if Cas knew about this. If he perhaps hinted to the book on purpose. He took it and walked back to his room, his full intentions to read the book.

Dean was confused, but he felt like the book would help explain things. Regardless to how... cheesy and horrid it looked. He knew he'd be met with some bad plot, but he was ready for it. He wanted some answers, and needed them before it drove him insane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3 Hope you like the spam.


	5. Five

After nearly two days of reading, Dean finally made it to the end of the book. He was met with the most horrific plot he'd ever read. The lady ended up joining a pack of angels and her new husband, the angel from the dreams, almost died. It was one of the worst books he'd ever read. He, a hunter that barely knew what college was, felt he could probably write better plot.

Though, he had found some explaination from the book. Apparently, the man, his name was Roger, had been an angel, and erased all of Shannon's memories with him so that he could be with her as a human. Though, this didn't really apply to he and Cas, so he immediately disregarded the book.

He was confused, but felt as thought these dreams were happening for a reason. Though, he had no clue as to why. He didn't think of Cas in the way these visions portrayed and it sent him further into confusion. He didn't particularly  _mind_ , but it confused him as to why he didn't mind. He didn't mind the idea and this confused him. He figured he should be a little uncomfortable with some aspect or the thought that he and Cas could be more than just Dean and Cas, but it didn't bother him a bit. It just made his stomach tumble and his heart ached. He didn't know why this so greatly effected him. He had never really thought about it. The thought hadn't really crossed his mind until that point.

Dean laid with his hand clutching the pistol under his pillow. He was anxious to see if he'd get another memory or if he'd get nothing all night like the last few days. Though, as his eyes finally felt heavy, he began to see flashes on the backs of his eyelids.

 

_"Dean, I love you." Cas gently pressed a kiss to Dean's lips and he kissed back gently._

_"I love you too, Castiel... My angel..."_

 

_Castiel held Dean's face in his hand and smiled sadly, "I'm sorry, my love..."_

_"Why are you sorry—"_

 

_Dean leaned against baby, Sam to his left. He looked up to the sky, "Sammy... you ever wonder if there are angels watching over us?"_

_Sam looked over to him in slight confusion, "Well... Yeah..."_

_Dean looked down, "I wish Cas was here..." It was barely above a whisper, and Sam barely heard it._

_"Cas?"_

_Dean shook his head, "Just a nobody..."_

 

_Castiel kissed Dean gently and pulled away, "I can't keep doing this, Dean... I'm getting noticed... People keep asking me what I'm doing while I'm gone... It's not easy for me to lie."_

_Dean nodded, "I know, Cas... I'm sorry."_

 

_"Goodbye, Dean... I love you."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More chapters.


	6. Six

_Castiel looked towards the stars. Dean looked at his angle and smiled, "Castiel, you're so pretty."_

_If Dean knew any better, he would've sworn he saw Cas blush. Though the angle looked at him a bit confused, "Why would you think such, Dean? It is I who should be complementing you. Since you are the human."_

_Dean chuckled, "Cas, that's what makes humans beautiful. We find beauty in everything. Especially pretty angels that watch over us."_

 

 

 

 

 

When Dean blinked his eyes open, his head was spinning. The room around him was a mess. Details mixed together and he could barely breathe. He heard voices, but they weren't very clear. Dean had a heavy migraine clutching his skull.

"Dean?"

Dean tried to focus on the voice, but he was disoriented. 

"Dean, are you okay?"

Dean managed to get his eyes to properly focus and stared at Sam's face. He took deep labored breaths and felt himself get pulled under again for a moment.

 

_"Dean... Are you... Wait... You have a boyfriend?" Sam's voice rang clear, confusion covered his face._

_Dean shrugged, "Yeah, got a problem, Sammy?"_

_Sam shook his head and waved his hands, "No! Of course not... It's just news to me."_

_Dean leaned back against the wall, "... Yeah... You'll probably be seeing more of him now..."_

 

Dean gasped as he felt color and his senses fill back in. The black and white memory once pressing against his eyelids faded away. Noise, real noise, filtered back in his ears and he saw Sam and Cas stare down at him. 

Dean pulled himself up, a cold sweat broke across his face and he clutched his fist. His head ached and he felt his mind pulling. It was begging him to fall back into sleep, like he needed to  _see._ He needed to  _remember._

Dean needed to ask Cas, but now Sam had just become a factor in these memories. While, Sam had always been there anyways, he'd never had a  _new_ memory of Sam.

His frustration was just continuing to rise as Sam spoke again, "Dean, what's wrong? Are you okay?

Dean groaned suddenly as he felt a memory pound against his head. One would wonder how he knew what they felt like, but he'd been having them for a good week. Whether he was making dinner or showering, they randomly assaulted him.

"Migraine. Really bad," Was all Dean could say. 

Though, he looked towards Cas to see his face fall in shame and he knew. He knew Cas had something to do with it. 

Cas reached his hand out quickly, "Dean, allow me—"

Dean shoved Cas's hand back and Cas's eyes widened. Dean grit his teeth and glared at Cas.

"No. No, Cas. I'm sick. I'm done with this. I know you did this. I know you're fucking with my head. Frankly, I couldn't care less about a bullshit excuse. I want this to stop, Cas... What the fuck and I seeing, Cas? Is this all real?" Dean's voice fell at the last part and he held his head in his hands. It was too much. His head  _ached_ with every new memory that found its way into his head. He felt them settle. It was like the little blocks children played with. The cube fit in the square hole, the cylinder into the circle hole, and so forth. He was getting these memories that felt like they belonged, but didn't fit with his previous memories. He always knew he was straight, that had been so painfully obvious for him his whole life, yet these memories made him question even things he was confident in such as his sexuality. He questioned his relationship with Cas and Sam. He even wondered if he could remember Dad right. His head began to throb.

Cas felt shame filter down his chest and sadness welled in his heart. He'd never felt such shame and sadness before. He saw Dean's eyes land on him. The same green eyes he'd fallen in love with. The same green eyes that once shone of love. They now shone of pain. Cas knew he'd made a mistake. He would never forgive himself for letting his love go through that much pain.

"Allow me to fix this, Dean. I fear things may not repair themselves easily or quickly, but allow me to restore your mind to it's previous state. Before this memory block was placed on you. Like Sam's had, yours will too fall, and it will hurt far too much without a steady fall," Cas spoke carefully and sadly.

Sam's eyes widened as Dean's did, but Sam spoke first, "Wait. You put a  _block_ in Dean's head? What the hell, Cas? Even after you saw what it did to me?!"

Castiel shook his head and sat in a chair next to Dean's bed. For the first time in Sam's life, he saw Cas act nervous. It was also the first time Sam noticed something around Cas's finger. It was strikingly familiar because he'd seen one familiar around Dean's a very long time ago. It'd been so long, he was sure he'd imagined it on Dean's finger. It was a ring. A dark silver band that had worn darker over time. Cas moved it around his finger back and forth. At that moment he looked so human that Sam wouldn't have known he was an angel if he didn't know Cas personally.

"It was... It was before Death ever put one on your mind. Yours was much weaker, as death didn't need it to last long. Yours was weak on purpose. You needed to remember, Death knew that," Castiel spoke quietly. He looked towards the wall. It was like his... angel-ness was going away. He looked more and more human as the seconds pass.

Cas took a shaky breath he didn't need to breathe, "I placed the block. Not death, and not god. I placed it. Before you ask why I didn't also place yours, realize that it's not my place to tell. When I placed the block on Dean's mind, it was a mutual agreement. While he cannot remember, it is his choice whether or not I can speak of it."

Dean swallowed and looked at his hand. His ring finger suddenly itching, "What I've been seeing... our interactions... they're real, aren't they?"

If Sam didn't know better, he would've thought he saw Cas's eyes tear up. Though, Cas looked away at the wall again, fiddling with his ring.

"Yes. Everything you've seen so far. I don't know what you've seen, but they all happened. And if you'd like, I can remove the block. But it will be slow, and it will hurt. But you will remember why I put on the block. Sam however is a different story. Any memories I have blocked from him can be removed in seconds because there are so little. With Dean's permission, I can remove these," Cas spoke quietly. His voice got smaller and smaller as he kept talking.

Dean had grown pale and it seemed like he hadn't heard Cas, but as soon as Cas was done speaking, Dean spoke, "Take them off. All of it, Cas. No secrets."

Cas nodded and stood. He approached Sam first, and Sam couldn't help but take a step back. Castiel frowned and quickly placed two fingers on Sam's head. Sam's eyes rolled back and when Cas's fingers left, Sam almost fell over. Though he caught himself and took a deep breath. His head aghed, but memories came rushing back in that split second. He looked at Dean and Cas and suddenly stared at Cas, "You are so stupid, Cas!"

Cas was startled. He hadn't expected that reaction and was even more startled when Sam grit his teeth, "Look, Cas, I get it, it's what you needed, but Jesus Christ, you ruined his life!"

Dean's eyes widened, "What the hell are you talking about?"

Sam glared towards Cas and pointed at Dean, "Take it off, Cas."

Cas looked at his feet and slowly approached Dean. He only looked Dean in the eye a moment and then placed to fingers on the man's head. Dean's eyes shone blue for a split second before he groaned in pain. His head began pressing memories on him, and the last thing he noticed was that Castiel, his angel, had disappeared.

 


End file.
